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Teddy Bear Kidnappers Demand $10,000 in Gluten-Free Cupcakes

Teddy Bear
ShardsOfBlue, Flickr

If Susannah Bortner wants her son’s stuffed animal returned, she’s going to have to make sure the kidnappers who took it are stuffed themselves.

The Brooklyn, New York woman’s two-year-old son lost his teddy bear wrapped in a blanket last month only to have the alleged kidnapper promise to return it in exchange for $10,000 worth of cupcakes. And not just any kind of cupcakes — gluten-free ones.

Bortner’s son lost the bear, named Mr. Bear, in a schoolyard last month. Sensing how upset he was, Bortner posted signs all over the neighborhood asking for the doll’s return. To increase the incentive, she also wrote she would provide “baked goods” and “good karma” to anyone who could help lead to the return of Mr. Bear to her son’s arms.

Good karma does not seem to be in the cards, however. A few days went by before someone posted a menacing response on the original poster Bortner put up.

The note said, “We have the blanket. Nothing will happen to it if we get $10,000 of gluten-free cupcakes delivered to this park.” Who knew those on the wrong side of the law cared so much about keeping a svelte figure?

The kidnappers then went into full-blown comedy mode by writing, “I’ll be dressed as a pregnant woman with a baby in a stroller. My accomplice will be wearing a T-shirt, baseball cap, cargo shorts and mandrals. We’ll be obsessing over our toddler.”

The note also featured a creepy warning, which said, “Come alone or this blanket (and bear) goes into the washer. No gentle cycle!” “No gentle cycle” was underlined, so you know the kidnappers aren’t messing around. They didn’t leave any contact information, leaving Bortner in the lurch.

While this sure sounds like a big joke, Bortner is still determined to get Mr. Bear back to safety. She said, “I’m glad that the people are seeing the posters.”

[The Brooklyn Paper]

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