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I Saw Bigfoot Today! (Well, At Least His Footprint… Maybe)

I’m gonna drop a bomb on your world right now: I believe in a lot of crazy [censored], but I think Bigfoot is a load of bunk.

Today our sister station, News Radio 1310 KLIX, hosted a Bigfoot Investigator on their popular morning talk show Top Story. The investigator was cool enough to lug in multiple suitcases packed with casts of Bigfoot footprints. They ranged in size from ludicrous to tiny, and I couldn’t help but be struck by how fake they all looked.

Here are my main arguments:

  1. This creature is supposedly huge. If it’s that big, how hard would it be to spot? Considering that we are encroaching further and further into wilderness areas, why haven’t we run into a herd, a pod, a gaggle of Bigfoots?
  2. If you’re argument is that there are only a few of these creatures left, why are we still having sightings? Wouldn’t the race have died out by now? There has to be a healthy number to allow the species to continue to breed and populate.
  3. Where are the Bigfoot bodies? These things have to die, right? Everything dies. Where are the bodies? And don’t give me any garbage about some “wildman wilderness funeral ritual.”
  4. Where’s the evidence? Bring me some hair. Bring me a bag of Bigfoot scat (well, not me. Take it to a scientist. I don’t want that).
  5. In 2011, Americans snapped an astonishing 80 billion photos. That’s about 255 per person, per year. By 2015 that number will grow to 105 billion photos. With the prevalence of cheap digital cameras, and cameras in everyone’s phones, where’s the good photographic evidence of Bigfoot? Heck, even my four year old knows how to take pictures with my iPhone. And some are pretty good! Where are the good, clear photos of Bigfoot?

I’m sorry. I just don’t buy into the fact that some tangent off the evolutionary tree of man or ape is living in the woods of the Pacific Northwest. We would see it. We go everywhere.

I think it’s a great story, but that’s all it is.

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