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12 Signs Your Airline Pilot Is Unqualified to Fly

Emirates Launches Daily A380 Flights From Dubai To Munich airplane pilots cockpit
Alexander Hassenstein, Getty Images

Flight technology and transportation innovations may have made it easier to fly, but cutbacks throughout the airline industry have raised more health and safety concerns among consumers than a sushi-stuffed Hot Pocket.

The next time you’re flying the not-so-friendly skies, keep an eye and ear out for these signs that your pilot may not be flying on the straight and narrow.

1. He announces that he’s turning off the seat belt sign so the stewardess can start serving drinks for those of you in the cockpit.

2. The co-pilot insists he use a hands-free Bluetooth if he’s going to talk on his cell phone while he flies the plane.

3. He refuses to back the plane out of the gate until he gets caught up on his ‘Words with Friends’ games.

4. He prepares for an emergency landing when the stewardesses run out of mini-pretzels.

5. The only song he allows to be played on the in-flight radio station is ‘Ride of the Valkyries.’

6. He insists that landing gear is for “wussies.”

7. When the cabin crew discovers a hole in the ceiling, he insists it’s a sunroof.

8. His flight plan is to the point the plane towards the sun keep going until he runs out of gas or “strikes solar,” whichever comes first.

9. He’s surprised to learn that planes now come with seat belts.

10. On every trip, he brings his own extra set of jumper cables.

11. He can’t stop giggling at the word “cockpit.”

12. He brought his dog in a portable kennel for the trip and tied it to the roof of the plane.

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